If you or anyone you know is in danger of foreclosure on their home, you need to read about “Short Sales” and pass it on!
Short Jokes:
Recent Mergers in the news:
Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers is now “Fairwell Honeychild”
Knott's Berry Farm and National Organization of Women are now “Knott NOW!”
Xerox and Wurlitzer - no name yet, but they're going to make reproductive organs.
What the heck is a Short Sale?
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
A “Short Sale” is a sale of real estate in which the sale proceeds fall short of the balance owed on the property's loan.[1] It often occurs when a borrower cannot pay the mortgage loan on their property, but the lender decides that selling the property at a moderate loss is better than pressing the borrower. Both parties consent to the short sale process, because it allows them to avoid foreclosure, which involves hefty fees for the bank and poorer credit report outcomes for the borrowers. This agreement, however, does not necessarily release the borrower from the obligation to pay the remaining balance of the loan, known as the deficiency.[2]
Plus you need to know that if the wind is blowing out to left field at Fenway Park; you’ll then need to learn the formula for rocket pulsation in escaping earth’s gravity after which you need to create a “What the heck are we going to do now!” account and declare bankruptcy!
Okay, so I made up that last part. It was just and illustration showing the complexity of “Short Sales” in real estate. My best advice for staving off home foreclosure: FIND SOMEONE THAT KNOWS THIS STUFF!
After doing my research, I can now strongly recommend that you check out the folks at Teton Business Solution. They have years of experience in “Short Sales”, the even teach real estate brokers and bankers how to best do it.
If the idea of Short Sales seems as confusing as the directions for an Ikea built-a- table and chair, then you need to speak with folks that understand this stuff. It might not be rocket science, but then again, maybe it is.
P.S. The word “Staving” means to brace against something, to stop it from breaking. It’s an old word used mostly in boat building. It’s the staves or blanks that brace the keel of a ship or boat, keeping it strong against the pressure of the water pushing in from the outside. If you want to keep the pressure of foreclosure from drowning you in debt, stave it off with the help of Teton Business Solutions.
P.S.S. Click on the website of Teton Business Solutions and learn how you can stave off home foreclosure.
Stephen James Comedy Improv & Human Resource Training Consultant Flint, Michigan.
If you’re looking to re-energize your Sales Force, inspire your Marketing Department or to encourage your Board to think “Out of the Box”, “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe Corporate Team Building” will work together with you in delivering the message you want to give! Team Building will always be a top priority for today's organizations. Building effective teamwork through leading edge corporate and organizational team building programs is one of “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe” (Corporate Team Training) greatest capabilities! And we make it so much FUN! CONTACT US AT: Email: stephenjamescomedy@gmail.com Phone: 810-618-7517 Website: http://sites.google.com/site/thestephenjamescomedytroupe/
Funny Business is a humorous look at some serious issues your business or organizations have to address. http://funnybusinessbystephenjames.blogspot.com/
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Business jokes of the day 2.23.10
Don't bite the hand that has your paycheck in it.
Don't blame me; nobody asked my opinion.
Don't do today that which can be put off till tomorrow.
Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
Don't get lost in the shuffle, shuffle along with the lost.
Don't lend people money...it gives them amnesia.
Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash. - Bo Diddley
Don't look back, something may be gaining on you.
Don't make your doctor your heir.
Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.
Stephen James Comedy Improv & Human Resource Training Consultant
Flint, Michigan
If you’re looking to re-energize your Sales Force, inspire your Marketing Department or to encourage your Board to think “Out of the Box”, “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe Corporate Team Building” will work together with you in delivering the message you want to give! Team Building will always be a top priority for today's organizations. Building effective teamwork through leading edge corporate and organizational team building programs is one of “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe” (Corporate Team Training) greatest capabilities! And we make it so much FUN! CONTACT US AT: Email: stephenjamescomedy@gmail.com Phone: 810-618-7517 Website: http://sites.google.com/site/thestephenjamescomedytroupe/
Funny Business is a humorous look at some serious issues your business or organizations have to address. http://funnybusinessbystephenjames.blogspot.com/
Don't blame me; nobody asked my opinion.
Don't do today that which can be put off till tomorrow.
Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
Don't get lost in the shuffle, shuffle along with the lost.
Don't lend people money...it gives them amnesia.
Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash. - Bo Diddley
Don't look back, something may be gaining on you.
Don't make your doctor your heir.
Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.
Stephen James Comedy Improv & Human Resource Training Consultant
Flint, Michigan
If you’re looking to re-energize your Sales Force, inspire your Marketing Department or to encourage your Board to think “Out of the Box”, “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe Corporate Team Building” will work together with you in delivering the message you want to give! Team Building will always be a top priority for today's organizations. Building effective teamwork through leading edge corporate and organizational team building programs is one of “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe” (Corporate Team Training) greatest capabilities! And we make it so much FUN! CONTACT US AT: Email: stephenjamescomedy@gmail.com Phone: 810-618-7517 Website: http://sites.google.com/site/thestephenjamescomedytroupe/
Funny Business is a humorous look at some serious issues your business or organizations have to address. http://funnybusinessbystephenjames.blogspot.com/
Monday, February 22, 2010
I am positive you will succeed if….You’re positive you will succeed.
“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” Norman Vincent Peale words
It’s like a card trick…
Before facing the audience, pre-arrange the deck by separating the cards into two piles of black/red cards. Put these two piles on top of each other to form a complete deck. Now, in front of the audience, casually split the deck in half and ask a volunteer to come and choose one card from any of the piles. Then, ask him to place that card into the other pile.
Now, all you have to do is go through that pile and take out the card of the different color since there will be only one red card in the black pile or one black card in the red pile.
Like pre-arranging a deck of cards for a card trick, being successful means pre-arranging your mind to be successful!
1. How You Think is Everything.
Always be positive. Think Success, not Failure. Beware of a negative environment. Your belief that you can accomplish your goals has to be unwavering. Positive things happen to positive thinking people.
2. Decide upon Your True Dreams and Goals: Write down your specific goals and develop a plan to reach them.
Write down my dreams and goals? Develop a plan to reach them? You might have heard the old adage: A New Years resolution that isn’t written down is just a dream, and dreams are not goals.
3. Take Action. Goals are nothing without action.
“Just do it”. I took action by reaching out and started writing. Every day I try to take some action towards my goals. It may be small, but it’s still an action. Have you taken action towards your goals today?
4. Never Stop Learning: Go back to school or read books. Get training & acquire skills.
Becoming a life long learner would benefit us all and is something we should instill in our kids. It’s funny that once you’re out of school you realize how enjoyable learning can be. What have you learned today?
5. Be Persistent and Work Hard: Success is a marathon, not a sprint. In the words of Winston Churchill “Never, never, never give up!”
Keep a positive attitude and remember to always watch for people and opportunities that can help you reach your goals.
6. Learn to Analyze Details: Get all the facts, all the input. Learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others. Remember: Learn from the mistakes of others, you can’t live long enough to make them all on your own!
7. Focus Your Time And Money: Don’t let other people or things distract you.
Remain focused on your goals and surround yourself with positive people that believe in you. Don’t be distracted by the naysayer’s or tasks that are not helping you achieve your goals.
8. Don’t Be Afraid To Innovate: Be different. Following the herd is a sure way to mediocrity.
Follow through on that break-out idea you have. Ask yourself the question “What if…” then let the sentence build to a multiple of answers. You will be astounded with the possibilities that can result.
9. Deal And Communicate With People Effectively: No person is an island unto themselves. Learn to understand and motivate others.
Successful people develop and nurture a network and they only do that by treating people openly, fairly and many times firmly. There is nothing wrong about being firm – just don’t cross the a-hole line.
10. Be Honest And Dependable: Take responsibility, otherwise numbers 1 – 9 won’t matter.
Do this and succeed.
Stephen James Comedy Improv & Human Resource Training Consultant Flint, Michigan.
If you’re looking to re-energize your Sales Force, inspire your Marketing Department or to encourage your Board to think “Out of the Box”, “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe Corporate Team Building” will work together with you in delivering the message you want to give! Team Building will always be a top priority for today's organizations. Building effective teamwork through leading edge corporate and organizational team building programs is one of “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe” (Corporate Team Training) greatest capabilities! And we make it so much FUN! CONTACT US AT: Email: stephenjamescomedy@gmail.com Phone: 810-618-7517 Website: http://sites.google.com/site/thestephenjamescomedytroupe/
It’s like a card trick…
Before facing the audience, pre-arrange the deck by separating the cards into two piles of black/red cards. Put these two piles on top of each other to form a complete deck. Now, in front of the audience, casually split the deck in half and ask a volunteer to come and choose one card from any of the piles. Then, ask him to place that card into the other pile.
Now, all you have to do is go through that pile and take out the card of the different color since there will be only one red card in the black pile or one black card in the red pile.
Like pre-arranging a deck of cards for a card trick, being successful means pre-arranging your mind to be successful!
1. How You Think is Everything.
Always be positive. Think Success, not Failure. Beware of a negative environment. Your belief that you can accomplish your goals has to be unwavering. Positive things happen to positive thinking people.
2. Decide upon Your True Dreams and Goals: Write down your specific goals and develop a plan to reach them.
Write down my dreams and goals? Develop a plan to reach them? You might have heard the old adage: A New Years resolution that isn’t written down is just a dream, and dreams are not goals.
3. Take Action. Goals are nothing without action.
“Just do it”. I took action by reaching out and started writing. Every day I try to take some action towards my goals. It may be small, but it’s still an action. Have you taken action towards your goals today?
4. Never Stop Learning: Go back to school or read books. Get training & acquire skills.
Becoming a life long learner would benefit us all and is something we should instill in our kids. It’s funny that once you’re out of school you realize how enjoyable learning can be. What have you learned today?
5. Be Persistent and Work Hard: Success is a marathon, not a sprint. In the words of Winston Churchill “Never, never, never give up!”
Keep a positive attitude and remember to always watch for people and opportunities that can help you reach your goals.
6. Learn to Analyze Details: Get all the facts, all the input. Learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others. Remember: Learn from the mistakes of others, you can’t live long enough to make them all on your own!
7. Focus Your Time And Money: Don’t let other people or things distract you.
Remain focused on your goals and surround yourself with positive people that believe in you. Don’t be distracted by the naysayer’s or tasks that are not helping you achieve your goals.
8. Don’t Be Afraid To Innovate: Be different. Following the herd is a sure way to mediocrity.
Follow through on that break-out idea you have. Ask yourself the question “What if…” then let the sentence build to a multiple of answers. You will be astounded with the possibilities that can result.
9. Deal And Communicate With People Effectively: No person is an island unto themselves. Learn to understand and motivate others.
Successful people develop and nurture a network and they only do that by treating people openly, fairly and many times firmly. There is nothing wrong about being firm – just don’t cross the a-hole line.
10. Be Honest And Dependable: Take responsibility, otherwise numbers 1 – 9 won’t matter.
Do this and succeed.
Stephen James Comedy Improv & Human Resource Training Consultant Flint, Michigan.
If you’re looking to re-energize your Sales Force, inspire your Marketing Department or to encourage your Board to think “Out of the Box”, “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe Corporate Team Building” will work together with you in delivering the message you want to give! Team Building will always be a top priority for today's organizations. Building effective teamwork through leading edge corporate and organizational team building programs is one of “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe” (Corporate Team Training) greatest capabilities! And we make it so much FUN! CONTACT US AT: Email: stephenjamescomedy@gmail.com Phone: 810-618-7517 Website: http://sites.google.com/site/thestephenjamescomedytroupe/
Friday, February 19, 2010
When is “Human Sacrifices” good for business?
As archeologists learn more and more about the Droid culture in ancient England, they discovered that after a battle the warriors would pile the bones of their enemy into giant piles near the boarders of their territories as a sign warning any other invading troops that not only will we kill you; we will desecrate your bones.
You might be thinking; what does this information have to do with my own business practices?
Check out this idea. Once you have gone through the process of releasing or firing an employee make sure you use it as a positive/negative symbol for your other employees.
Stop the gossip mongering by having a team meeting discussing how you had to let that person go and the reasons why. This will comfort the paranoid employees; wake up the borderline employees and shut- up the story telling employees.
No employer likes firing or disciplining an employee, unless of course you’re into ancient Droid culture. So maybe you should consider bringing on an outside vendor as a solution for your HR needs.
Wouldn’t it be nice to never have to fire and employee? Wouldn’t it be great to have someone constantly watching over, guiding and training your employees along the best path to success?
There’s a company out of Flint, Michigan that does just that, Teton Business Solutions. Not only can they completely take over all your HR needs like payroll, hiring, disciplining, firing and handling employee training, but can also create a two tier class of labor for your company, whereby your company can lower benefit costs and structure costs to meet production and short term needs.
Companies like Teton Business Solutions can create a hybrid solution to your HR needs. You can transfer all your existing employees on your payroll or farm out your HR needs for a seasonal or short term project.
You need to consider the idea of outsourcing your HR department. You can lower your costs, lower management work load and relax knowing that you have someone else worrying about how to most efficiently deal with your employees need.
Beats the heck out of piling bodies outside your door, so don’t deal with your HR problems like a Droid, partner with Teton Business Solutions and let them gently handle your personnel needs.
Teton Business Solutions has an experienced team with over 35 years of experience in business. Our goal is to set precedence in the Business consulting Industry by leading the pack with a wide range of products tailored to fit each business owner’s company model.
Remember: We’re all in this together!
You might be thinking; what does this information have to do with my own business practices?
Check out this idea. Once you have gone through the process of releasing or firing an employee make sure you use it as a positive/negative symbol for your other employees.
Stop the gossip mongering by having a team meeting discussing how you had to let that person go and the reasons why. This will comfort the paranoid employees; wake up the borderline employees and shut- up the story telling employees.
No employer likes firing or disciplining an employee, unless of course you’re into ancient Droid culture. So maybe you should consider bringing on an outside vendor as a solution for your HR needs.
Wouldn’t it be nice to never have to fire and employee? Wouldn’t it be great to have someone constantly watching over, guiding and training your employees along the best path to success?
There’s a company out of Flint, Michigan that does just that, Teton Business Solutions. Not only can they completely take over all your HR needs like payroll, hiring, disciplining, firing and handling employee training, but can also create a two tier class of labor for your company, whereby your company can lower benefit costs and structure costs to meet production and short term needs.
Companies like Teton Business Solutions can create a hybrid solution to your HR needs. You can transfer all your existing employees on your payroll or farm out your HR needs for a seasonal or short term project.
You need to consider the idea of outsourcing your HR department. You can lower your costs, lower management work load and relax knowing that you have someone else worrying about how to most efficiently deal with your employees need.
Beats the heck out of piling bodies outside your door, so don’t deal with your HR problems like a Droid, partner with Teton Business Solutions and let them gently handle your personnel needs.
Teton Business Solutions has an experienced team with over 35 years of experience in business. Our goal is to set precedence in the Business consulting Industry by leading the pack with a wide range of products tailored to fit each business owner’s company model.
Remember: We’re all in this together!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Business jokes of the day 2.17.10
Business, not unlike your personal life, always seems to adhere to the confounding strange law of “Crap happens”. Check out Finagle’s laws for business!
Finagle's Laws:
1) Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
2) No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to fake it.
3) No matter what the result, someone is always eager to misinterpret it.
4) No matter what results occur, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory.
5) If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
6) In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
7) The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
8) Do not merely believe in miracles; rely on them.
Finagle's Law Of Government Contracting: Dealing with the government is like kicking a 300-pound sponge.
Stephen James Comedy Improv & Human Resource Training Consultant Flint, Michigan.
If you’re looking to re-energize your Sales Force, inspire your Marketing Department or to encourage your Board to think “Out of the Box”, “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe Corporate Team Building” will work together with you in delivering the message you want to give! Team Building will always be a top priority for today's organizations. Building effective teamwork through leading edge corporate and organizational team building programs is one of “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe” (Corporate Team Training) greatest capabilities! And we make it so much FUN! CONTACT US AT: Email: stephenjamescomedy@gmail.com Phone: 810-618-7517 Website: http://sites.google.com/site/thestephenjamescomedytroupe/
Funny Business is a humorous look at some serious issues your business or organizations have to address. http://funnybusinessbystephenjames.blogspot.com/
Finagle's Laws:
1) Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
2) No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to fake it.
3) No matter what the result, someone is always eager to misinterpret it.
4) No matter what results occur, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory.
5) If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
6) In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
7) The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
8) Do not merely believe in miracles; rely on them.
Finagle's Law Of Government Contracting: Dealing with the government is like kicking a 300-pound sponge.
Stephen James Comedy Improv & Human Resource Training Consultant Flint, Michigan.
If you’re looking to re-energize your Sales Force, inspire your Marketing Department or to encourage your Board to think “Out of the Box”, “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe Corporate Team Building” will work together with you in delivering the message you want to give! Team Building will always be a top priority for today's organizations. Building effective teamwork through leading edge corporate and organizational team building programs is one of “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe” (Corporate Team Training) greatest capabilities! And we make it so much FUN! CONTACT US AT: Email: stephenjamescomedy@gmail.com Phone: 810-618-7517 Website: http://sites.google.com/site/thestephenjamescomedytroupe/
Funny Business is a humorous look at some serious issues your business or organizations have to address. http://funnybusinessbystephenjames.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Delegating work loads and how a lobster dinner taught me a lesson!
Delegating is one of the most important skills a person can have. Anytime there is a multiple of goals to be accomplished, a good business owner or manager needs to be able to delegate the work load, otherwise they will find themselves caught up in a tizzy with too much to do and not being able to focus on the tasks that require their specific skills.
Remember this scene from “When Harry met Sally”
Sally looks at Harry seductively, and begins to illustrate, in the middle of the busy restaurant, how easily women can convincingly fake an orgasm. With a loud and long display of pants, groans, gasps, hair ruffling, caresses, table poundings, and ecstatic releases, she yells: "Yes, Yes, YES! YES! YES!" The entire restaurant is quieted down and attentive to her realistic act. This is followed by the film's funniest punch line, delivered by another customer who tells the waitress, "I'll have what she's having"
Well, somehow in my mind I was able to connect this scene to leadership. Here’s the connection: when you go to the restaurant you are delegating the food peroration to someone better trained and experienced in cooking than you are. You profit by not having to spend the time preparing the food, setting up, cleaning up and you get a great meal to boot!
It’s the same thing with your business or organization. You have to delegate the work load: you’ve have orders to full, vendors calling, business lunches, clients to smooch, marketing meeting, advertising decisions, quality control problem, problems, problems, and problems!
Oh and don’t forget the EMPLOYEES:
Drug testing, background checks, employment verification, salary surveys, Social Security verification, employee payroll, new hire reporting, garnishment transfer and management, hiring, training, disciple, drafting of handbooks and policies, dispute resolution and more and more stuff!
I know you skipped reading all that stuff about employee management and so would I. It’s just too much to think about let alone actually manage. Sure you might have a HR department but wouldn’t be great to just wish it all away!
Find yourself a good experience staffing Vendor!
Delegate your staffing needs and benefit from others' experience, wisdom, thoughts and perspectives.
That’s why using an outside service for your Human Resources Department like those offered by Teton Business Solutions in Flint, Michigan, can provide a solution that is comprehensive yet flexible in hiring, training, disciplining, firing and handling payroll. While some of you may want to maintain complete autonomy for some of your human resource functions, Teton Business Solutions can help you choose from an array of human resource services available.
Why aren't you delegating?
You'll have more time and energy for the most important things.
You'll be supported by experienced people working together with you.
You'll get tasks done rather than adding them to your to-do list.
You'll achieve your goals in less time.
You’ll MAKE LIFE EASIER!
Plus, with the time and money you saved you can have yourself a beautiful lobster dinner!
Stephen James Comedy Improv & Human Resourse Training Consultant Flint, Michigan.
If you’re looking to re-energize your Sales Force, inspire your Marketing Department or to encourage your Board to think “Out of the Box”, “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe Corporate Team Building” will work together with you in delivering the message you want to give! Team Building will always be a top priority for today's organizations. Building effective teamwork through leading edge corporate and organizational team building programs is one of “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe” (Corporate Team Training) greatest capabilities! And we make it so much FUN! CONTACT US AT: Email: stephenjamescomedy@gmail.com Phone: 810-618-7517 Website: http://sites.google.com/site/thestephenjamescomedytroupe/
Remember this scene from “When Harry met Sally”
Sally looks at Harry seductively, and begins to illustrate, in the middle of the busy restaurant, how easily women can convincingly fake an orgasm. With a loud and long display of pants, groans, gasps, hair ruffling, caresses, table poundings, and ecstatic releases, she yells: "Yes, Yes, YES! YES! YES!" The entire restaurant is quieted down and attentive to her realistic act. This is followed by the film's funniest punch line, delivered by another customer who tells the waitress, "I'll have what she's having"
Well, somehow in my mind I was able to connect this scene to leadership. Here’s the connection: when you go to the restaurant you are delegating the food peroration to someone better trained and experienced in cooking than you are. You profit by not having to spend the time preparing the food, setting up, cleaning up and you get a great meal to boot!
It’s the same thing with your business or organization. You have to delegate the work load: you’ve have orders to full, vendors calling, business lunches, clients to smooch, marketing meeting, advertising decisions, quality control problem, problems, problems, and problems!
Oh and don’t forget the EMPLOYEES:
Drug testing, background checks, employment verification, salary surveys, Social Security verification, employee payroll, new hire reporting, garnishment transfer and management, hiring, training, disciple, drafting of handbooks and policies, dispute resolution and more and more stuff!
I know you skipped reading all that stuff about employee management and so would I. It’s just too much to think about let alone actually manage. Sure you might have a HR department but wouldn’t be great to just wish it all away!
Find yourself a good experience staffing Vendor!
Delegate your staffing needs and benefit from others' experience, wisdom, thoughts and perspectives.
That’s why using an outside service for your Human Resources Department like those offered by Teton Business Solutions in Flint, Michigan, can provide a solution that is comprehensive yet flexible in hiring, training, disciplining, firing and handling payroll. While some of you may want to maintain complete autonomy for some of your human resource functions, Teton Business Solutions can help you choose from an array of human resource services available.
Why aren't you delegating?
You'll have more time and energy for the most important things.
You'll be supported by experienced people working together with you.
You'll get tasks done rather than adding them to your to-do list.
You'll achieve your goals in less time.
You’ll MAKE LIFE EASIER!
Plus, with the time and money you saved you can have yourself a beautiful lobster dinner!
Stephen James Comedy Improv & Human Resourse Training Consultant Flint, Michigan.
If you’re looking to re-energize your Sales Force, inspire your Marketing Department or to encourage your Board to think “Out of the Box”, “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe Corporate Team Building” will work together with you in delivering the message you want to give! Team Building will always be a top priority for today's organizations. Building effective teamwork through leading edge corporate and organizational team building programs is one of “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe” (Corporate Team Training) greatest capabilities! And we make it so much FUN! CONTACT US AT: Email: stephenjamescomedy@gmail.com Phone: 810-618-7517 Website: http://sites.google.com/site/thestephenjamescomedytroupe/
Friday, February 12, 2010
Business Jokes of the day! 2.12.10
Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Clowns, business, hippos and HR departments!
Two guys walks into a bar wearing arrows through their heads, purple suit vest covered with glow-in the dark yellow florescent flowers, orange baggy pants and huge red floppy shoes. They say to the bar tender “We’re here to see the manager”. The bar tender says; “What are you two, some kind of clowns?” The two guys say…….”No, we work for the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Management”.
Some of you reading the above couldn’t see anything funny in the story. That’s because it just didn’t make sense that two guys with such a serious job would appear in public dresses so weirdly.
Most of you, when asked the question: describe the two guys, would talk about how the two guys were dressed and laugh that they were representing the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Management. That’s because; how they were dressed overpowered the position they represented.
These two guys might just really like dressing up as clowns. They might enjoy the attention they receive because of the way they dress. They may feel like it makes them stand out in a crowd thereby, messaging their own egos or individuality.
Why are we talking about all this? It’s because when someone is working for your company or organization, they represent you, not just themselves.
Ask yourself: When it comes to my employees, do they dress to represent the mission statement I have? Or do I just let it go?
Having to train a person to wear appropriate attire after they’ve worked a while with you, can be like house-breaking a hippopotamus. It can be done, but you have to put up with a lot of crap along the way.
That’s way using an outside service for your Human Resources Department like those offered by Teton Business Solutions in Flint, Michigan, can provide a solution that is comprehensive yet flexible in hiring, training, disciplining, firing and handling payroll. While some of you may want to maintain complete autonomy for some of your human resource functions, Teton Business Solutions can help you choose from an array of human resource services available.
Hiring
• Pre-employment screening (drug testing, background checks and employment verification)
• Salary surveys
• Employment agreements or offer letters
• Social Security verification
• New hire reporting
Disciplining, firing and employee grievances
• Employee training
• Drafting of handbooks and/or policies
• Alternate dispute resolution programs
• Consultation with certified human resource professionals
AND training seminars for your existing clowns! Oops, I mean employees!
Think about it! Wouldn’t it be great to get the giant hippo off your back that Human resource management brings, plus save BIG money doing it!
But, if you’re dead set into putting up with the FUNNY BUSINESS of managing your own HR, then be ready to put up with the clowns.
Check out Teton Business Service, their nation wide and experience in all your HR needs. Remember: We’re all in this together.
P.S. I know that your employees aren’t clowns, but you get the point.
Some of you reading the above couldn’t see anything funny in the story. That’s because it just didn’t make sense that two guys with such a serious job would appear in public dresses so weirdly.
Most of you, when asked the question: describe the two guys, would talk about how the two guys were dressed and laugh that they were representing the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Management. That’s because; how they were dressed overpowered the position they represented.
These two guys might just really like dressing up as clowns. They might enjoy the attention they receive because of the way they dress. They may feel like it makes them stand out in a crowd thereby, messaging their own egos or individuality.
Why are we talking about all this? It’s because when someone is working for your company or organization, they represent you, not just themselves.
Ask yourself: When it comes to my employees, do they dress to represent the mission statement I have? Or do I just let it go?
Having to train a person to wear appropriate attire after they’ve worked a while with you, can be like house-breaking a hippopotamus. It can be done, but you have to put up with a lot of crap along the way.
That’s way using an outside service for your Human Resources Department like those offered by Teton Business Solutions in Flint, Michigan, can provide a solution that is comprehensive yet flexible in hiring, training, disciplining, firing and handling payroll. While some of you may want to maintain complete autonomy for some of your human resource functions, Teton Business Solutions can help you choose from an array of human resource services available.
Hiring
• Pre-employment screening (drug testing, background checks and employment verification)
• Salary surveys
• Employment agreements or offer letters
• Social Security verification
• New hire reporting
Disciplining, firing and employee grievances
• Employee training
• Drafting of handbooks and/or policies
• Alternate dispute resolution programs
• Consultation with certified human resource professionals
AND training seminars for your existing clowns! Oops, I mean employees!
Think about it! Wouldn’t it be great to get the giant hippo off your back that Human resource management brings, plus save BIG money doing it!
But, if you’re dead set into putting up with the FUNNY BUSINESS of managing your own HR, then be ready to put up with the clowns.
Check out Teton Business Service, their nation wide and experience in all your HR needs. Remember: We’re all in this together.
P.S. I know that your employees aren’t clowns, but you get the point.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Business Jokes of the day! 2.6.10
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Cop-out number 1. You should have seen it when I got it.
Create a need and fill it.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you're doing.
Creditors have better memories than debtors.
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Dare to be average.
Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
Definition of an elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
Cop-out number 1. You should have seen it when I got it.
Create a need and fill it.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you're doing.
Creditors have better memories than debtors.
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Dare to be average.
Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
Definition of an elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Business Jokes of the day!
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.
Always hire a rich attorney.
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why. Then do it.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!
Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.
Am I good at delegating? You Bet! I always find someone to blame!
Ambiguity is invariant.
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.
Always hire a rich attorney.
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why. Then do it.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!
Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.
Am I good at delegating? You Bet! I always find someone to blame!
Ambiguity is invariant.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
A Confidence Scheme.
By Stephen James
“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” William Shakespeare
Some may think that confidence is the opposite of humility. People sometimes even equate confidence with arrogance. That is a mistake. Rather than being the opposite of confidence, we need to understand that humility is an entirely separate issue.
The truly confident person is one that can fully embrace and celebrate their strengths and talents, and yet never forgets their humanity. They can admit mistakes and failings and yet never feel like a failure. It’s true, your failures do make you stronger. Nothing you endeavor in is ever worthless. You always walk away with more knowledge, being more prepared to attempt and succeed in the next endeavourer.
A person must live in gratitude for the abilities they have been given and never fail to see the giftedness in others. Never be jealous of others talents but willing to learn from what other’s talents can teach us. Understanding that within ourselves we too have a inner genius that must be in continuous development. We must always be learning, always trying and never, never give up. These elements make up true and lasting confidence.
Living with confidence because you’re a genius!
You’ve heard it said “Necessity is the mother of invention” Well I say “Creativity is the mother of invention”. I define genius as finding your very own inner creative menes. That’s right, menes, our bodies are built with genes, that is what makes each of us as physical individuals. Our menes are the parts that make up our personality. Just as each of us have physical genius: or physical abilities such as balance, flexibility, reflexes, strength, movement, all equaling our physical capabilities. Our menes are the parts that make up our personal genius that we are mentaly capable of.
It’s not just about your tested mental IQ. To find the sum of your menes or genius takes the wiliness to commit to the search of your genius, testing and looking for its limits and abilities just as we do with our bodies. It doesn’t just come to you like a bolt of lighting, sure some find their physical genius early like the ability to play pro baseball while others get to publicly display their mental genius like the famous genius of Einstein or Leonardo. Just because you’ve not been on television or someone hasn’t written a book about you does not mean you’re not a genius! Most genius is un-published! It can be found in the everyday of living. It’s found in the little bits of brilliance of our daily living and it can be developed into adding value to everyone else’s daily living! There is no test created for your personal genius. You have to write it yourself!
Everyone has their own inner genius for which they are superior at doing. We all have a genius within our own nitch. Think about this! If you where stranded on a desert island and living in a cave and one night you heard something rustling around in the bushes outside. Who would you really want to be there in the cave with you? Einstein!? What would he do? Confuse the creature with his theory of gravity. No! you want someone with the genius of bravery or the genius of survival or the genius of mimicking the scary sounds of a shell being racked into a sawed off shotgun.
You should be committed! It all starts in the doing. One step at a time, one foot before the other. Committed to the long walk.
Here are the first steps! Takes approximately 20 minutes.
1) If you liked what you have read here or want to learn more, commit to a day and time for continuing to stopping by this site and reading what’s going on.
2) Think about 10 things you like to do. Count them out on your fingers.
3) Write a personal resume. Not a work resume but a resume of your life. Write down the things that you like to do: fishing, reading books, watching movies, painting, organizing your sock drawer, talking to people. List everything you like to do.
4) List the education you have: classes that you liked taking, books you have read, life experiences, places that you have traveled to, things that people have taught you.
5) List jobs that you have done, not just paying jobs: Pick out the parts of the job you liked best or feel you did best at.
6) When you’re finished just set it aside for the night. The next day look for the pattern of things that you really like doing or felt good doing. Be proud in seeing the things you like to do and look how those are the things you always seem to see though to completion.
7) On a big piece of paper draw a large inverted triangle: with the point at the bottom, the widest area at the top. Write out words or short sentences representing the thing you like to do or are good at within the triangle.
8) Now start thinking about the list and watch as you melt the overall list into just a couple of short sentences that can be written underneath the point at the bottom of the triangle. Those sentences are what you should be doing. Don’t be inhibited with coming to a conclusion that it doesn’t look to be rational. Don’t look at “what you should be doing” as needing to be practical. Don’t see the outcome as not having any monetary reward. Just look at it for what it is.
9) Next time we get together we will discuss how to make what you like to do into a money making reality.
10) I acknowledge I do not have the genius of grammar, spelling or in the written word but I am better at it than I used to be and will be better at it as I continue to work this menes’ muscle. Thanks for your genius of understanding my inadequacies.
Yours, Stephen James
“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” William Shakespeare
Some may think that confidence is the opposite of humility. People sometimes even equate confidence with arrogance. That is a mistake. Rather than being the opposite of confidence, we need to understand that humility is an entirely separate issue.
The truly confident person is one that can fully embrace and celebrate their strengths and talents, and yet never forgets their humanity. They can admit mistakes and failings and yet never feel like a failure. It’s true, your failures do make you stronger. Nothing you endeavor in is ever worthless. You always walk away with more knowledge, being more prepared to attempt and succeed in the next endeavourer.
A person must live in gratitude for the abilities they have been given and never fail to see the giftedness in others. Never be jealous of others talents but willing to learn from what other’s talents can teach us. Understanding that within ourselves we too have a inner genius that must be in continuous development. We must always be learning, always trying and never, never give up. These elements make up true and lasting confidence.
Living with confidence because you’re a genius!
You’ve heard it said “Necessity is the mother of invention” Well I say “Creativity is the mother of invention”. I define genius as finding your very own inner creative menes. That’s right, menes, our bodies are built with genes, that is what makes each of us as physical individuals. Our menes are the parts that make up our personality. Just as each of us have physical genius: or physical abilities such as balance, flexibility, reflexes, strength, movement, all equaling our physical capabilities. Our menes are the parts that make up our personal genius that we are mentaly capable of.
It’s not just about your tested mental IQ. To find the sum of your menes or genius takes the wiliness to commit to the search of your genius, testing and looking for its limits and abilities just as we do with our bodies. It doesn’t just come to you like a bolt of lighting, sure some find their physical genius early like the ability to play pro baseball while others get to publicly display their mental genius like the famous genius of Einstein or Leonardo. Just because you’ve not been on television or someone hasn’t written a book about you does not mean you’re not a genius! Most genius is un-published! It can be found in the everyday of living. It’s found in the little bits of brilliance of our daily living and it can be developed into adding value to everyone else’s daily living! There is no test created for your personal genius. You have to write it yourself!
Everyone has their own inner genius for which they are superior at doing. We all have a genius within our own nitch. Think about this! If you where stranded on a desert island and living in a cave and one night you heard something rustling around in the bushes outside. Who would you really want to be there in the cave with you? Einstein!? What would he do? Confuse the creature with his theory of gravity. No! you want someone with the genius of bravery or the genius of survival or the genius of mimicking the scary sounds of a shell being racked into a sawed off shotgun.
You should be committed! It all starts in the doing. One step at a time, one foot before the other. Committed to the long walk.
Here are the first steps! Takes approximately 20 minutes.
1) If you liked what you have read here or want to learn more, commit to a day and time for continuing to stopping by this site and reading what’s going on.
2) Think about 10 things you like to do. Count them out on your fingers.
3) Write a personal resume. Not a work resume but a resume of your life. Write down the things that you like to do: fishing, reading books, watching movies, painting, organizing your sock drawer, talking to people. List everything you like to do.
4) List the education you have: classes that you liked taking, books you have read, life experiences, places that you have traveled to, things that people have taught you.
5) List jobs that you have done, not just paying jobs: Pick out the parts of the job you liked best or feel you did best at.
6) When you’re finished just set it aside for the night. The next day look for the pattern of things that you really like doing or felt good doing. Be proud in seeing the things you like to do and look how those are the things you always seem to see though to completion.
7) On a big piece of paper draw a large inverted triangle: with the point at the bottom, the widest area at the top. Write out words or short sentences representing the thing you like to do or are good at within the triangle.
8) Now start thinking about the list and watch as you melt the overall list into just a couple of short sentences that can be written underneath the point at the bottom of the triangle. Those sentences are what you should be doing. Don’t be inhibited with coming to a conclusion that it doesn’t look to be rational. Don’t look at “what you should be doing” as needing to be practical. Don’t see the outcome as not having any monetary reward. Just look at it for what it is.
9) Next time we get together we will discuss how to make what you like to do into a money making reality.
10) I acknowledge I do not have the genius of grammar, spelling or in the written word but I am better at it than I used to be and will be better at it as I continue to work this menes’ muscle. Thanks for your genius of understanding my inadequacies.
Yours, Stephen James
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