Funny Business By Stephen James: January 2011

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What's Your Business Is Saying.

Your face shows us what your Business is saying!

RIDDLE: “It costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

Smile—Everyone Is Watching!

Think back to all the miserable faces you see on the way to school or work each day. These hollow stares and “sour-puss” faces reflect dissatisfaction and unhappiness, almost as if they were headed to a torture chamber! These expressions reflect a negative and rebellious attitude, and many folks are trapped in this mentality!

Yet, when smiled at, these same people will most often smile in return.

Check out the following facts about smiling:

72% of people think of those who smile frequently as being more confident and successful.

86% of people say that they are more likely to strike up conversations with strangers if they are smiling.

Bosses are 12% more likely to promote people who smile a lot.

Research shows that 65% of communication is non-verbal (many claim an even higher percentage).

The effects of a smile are so powerful that even a smile on the telephone produces positive results.

When someone comes into a room, people are automatically drawn to their face, and a smile provides a warm greeting.

Research shows that when two people in conversation use the same kind of body movements and gestures (such as smiling), they will experience greater empathy for each other, which they may not even consciously notice.

The Value of a Smile: Increased sales!!!

Does the uniform your employees wear include a smile?

We all have walked into a business only to have the person working the counter stare at us with the “What the heck do you want?” look.

It doesn’t make you comfortable and deep inside it makes you just want to get what you came for and get out.

I once moved to a city just because every 7-11 store (I’m a Slurpee junkie) I went into all had sales folks that smiled at me. Really, no kidding! I had been living in Miami and was feeling bad about how everyone there seemed to be so grouchy. The friendly service I found made me believe that everyone in that town was happy. And by god they were (for the most part)!

So what do your employees’ faces say to your customers?

Do you want to make increase sales, add on’s and impulse buys? Do you want customers returning to your business? Do you want the people that come into your business talk to their friends about how nice your place is?

Teach your employees to smile!

Tip number one:

Smile at your employees and they’ll smile too.

Teach your employee the importance of the “first impression”.

Have a short training time with your employees about appearance and its effect on customers.

See below:

If you’re looking to re-energize your Staff, inspire your Marketing Department or to encourage your Board to think “Out of the Box”, “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe Corporate Team Building” will work together with you in delivering the message you want to give! Team Building will always be a top priority for today's organizations. Building effective teamwork through interactive "Improv games" is one of “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe” (Corporate Team Training) greatest capabilities! And we make it so much FUN!
CONTACT US AT:Email: stephenjamescomedy@gmail.com

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Oh, oh, more Guy Gossip

One of the guys, I won’t reveal his name so as not to embarrass him, about the stupid idea that will be explored here, joined our normal gathering of local downtown “Good Fellows” at the coffee shop as we do every Tuesday morning. He says, “I got an idea I want to float by y’all.” (Y’all, spoken like a man that’s spent too much time in the south, maybe Southern Florida, maybe Miami/Ft.Lauderdale.)

“I’ve been thinking about what should be done with the Genesee Tower building.” (Again, for those that don’t know or haven’t been reading this bloggy, thingy or whatever you call this: In short, our local City government has been saddled for a payment, mandated through the State Courts, of 8.4 million dollars to the Genesee Tower property owners, who originally paid fifty thousand dollars for the building a couple of years ago.)

One of the local businessmen that regularly attends our little impromptu gathering, tried to squash the topic by reminding us, “We figured out the Tower thing last week. We’re turning it into a men’s club.”

Not to be discouraged, our recently repatriated Flintoid continued, “Well, I talked that idea over with the wife and well, she didn’t really take to that idea.”

“You told your wife?!” as the look of dismay and broken trust covered each man’s face.

“She’ll tell my wife and she’ll tell another and by the end of the day they’ll all have heard. Might as well kiss the “Big Lobowski Men’s Group” goodbye, you’ve just killed it, dude!

Another of the guys bravely piped in, “I got to be honest with you, I got so excited about the men’s club idea that I told my wife.” He hung his head down, “Let’s just say the excitement pretty well died, especially when it came bedtime. If you know what I mean.”

“Ahhh, go ahead and tell us. I got to confess I told my wife too. She told me if we were going to start a men’s club then she and the girls are going to start a women’s only club, called “PeePee’s.”

In a way that only a half breed Northern/Southern boy can speak, either real slow or real fast, our returning Flintiod, sped fast through his idea.

“Turn the Genesee Tower into a homeless shelter! Last year, in Flint, almost three thousand people were recognized as homeless and it’s growing, a majority of them are housed by other means than shelters. The average number of “shelter living” homeless is near around fifteen hundred. Flint has about five, stable shelters. We take all their residents and staff; consolidate ‘em into one building. That way all the shelters won’t be scratching for the same dollars to keep their doors open. All the funding will go into one administration, all the people into one building, all the staff from the shelters consolidated into one place. No more having individual shelters holding mortgages or paying rent at multiple locations. All the energies into one place not being spread it all over town. No more duplication of resources!”

“Ho, slow down, hold your horses!” one of the guys, doing a bad imitation of a urban cowboy, says. “Homeless people all over the streets of Downtown?!”

“Naa, dude” he continued, “they’ll all be busy working or training or going to school. We already have a bunch of training facilities around town helping to find schooling and funding for education. We also start a Day Labor and job placement staff inside the facility. These people are not homeless because they want to be. They’ve got skills. Many of them are no different then us. We’re all just a couple of missed pay checks or a pink slip away from loosing our homes too!

Question; “What about panhandling and crime?”

“We outlaw panhandling. As for crime, do you know how many prisoners come out of jail, homeless? What better way to monitor and rehabilitate them and to keep then out of the circumstance that got them into trouble in the first place.

Plus again, there is no reason why they need to be on the streets, they’ll have classes to attend, jobs to work, chores to do, community service hours to fulfill, curfews and nightly activities.

I understand that some of the religious organization might not be on board with this idea but, we let them hold events within the facility, heck, they’re going to be apart of running the place. I don’t see any problem with religious groups holding services there. It builds moral strength, principled thinking and encouragement.

By consolidations all the staff from all the shelters means each of the residents will get personal mentoring and guidance. That will help keep the residents focused and let’s councilors keep their jobs too.”

A skeptic protests; “Pie in the sky, you don’t understand that the staff and management teams are not going to give up the power they have over their organization. Too much politicking, even if they have an altruistic heart for the mission.”

“We make ‘em do it. We’ve got Metro Community Development already here in place, through the State mandate. They can oversee the organization. We take all the shelter managers and staffs from each of their departments: guidance counseling, mentoring, training developers, community service organizers, marketing (grant writing and donations), food service, housekeeping and we take each group individually into a room, tell them what we’re going to do and then leave, locking the door behind us, waiting until they come together with a plan on how they’re going to make it happen.

Once you have the peoples’ will to do something, it’s going to happen.”

Consolidation of services: Some smart politician is going to get ahead of this idea, and the people are going to follow.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

So Nice of You to Stop By.

Thanks you all so much. Because of your overwhelming subscription rate to Funny Business By Stephen James, we now have the third most read blog on my block!!! Okay, so were really tied for third.

Was I just making a joke or was I heralding an accomplishment? Either way I’ll take it!

If you enjoy the blog, pass it onto your friends. If you think it’s detestable and should be stayed away from like some stinking rotting, bag of putrid meat! Then maybe you should just keep it to yourself!..... Just kidding, well maybe about the putrid meat stuff.

Hope you enjoy your day. Take a look at some of the archived posts, maybe there’s something in there worth reading. Other than that, stop by tomorrow for more new stuff!

Yours, Stephen James

Friday, January 21, 2011

Does Your Business Have the Blues?

As Tom Sumner (Flint resident and radio host) so pointedly explains in his story “Would I have the blues?” that there are two kinds of people. Those that think the glass is half full (Positive thinkers) and those that think the glass is half empty (Negative thinkers). He submits that there’s a third group of people, those that say, “Hey can we get some more water in this glass over here?!”

The Positive Thinkers, or the doers, are always doing their best with what they have and the “Negtivos”, are those that complain about what they do have. Both have one thing in common, limited resources.

Aren’t “resources” the number one need of any business? Be it tangible resources like products to sell or intangible resources like ideas for a new product to sell. Business is about “resource availability”.

Crap, even a genius like Einstein had limited resources. He might have understood the math but could he host a radio show like Tom Sumner does, or create an advertising campaign like The Spencer Agency can? Could Einstein make a delicious sandwich like Tracy Whipley of the Lunch Studio can make? I don’t think so. (Okay, so maybe Einstein could make a great sandwich, but resource data is limited on the subject!)

That’s why growing a business or keeping a business open is about gathering and growing your resources.

What resource is your company missing?

Maybe you need a spoke person for your business, maybe a new advertising campaign to boost sales, maybe new recipes for the menu, maybe someone to help you with your employee training?

STOP!

Here is some HELP.

Stephen James Comedy Troupe; Human Resource Training Consultant Flint, Michigan.

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Thursday, January 20, 2011

You're an Idiot and So am I.

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Handling difficult people:

It should come as no surprise that some people in the world are idiots. They are twisted, uncooperative, cantankerous, distorted, pains in the butt. You know the person I am talking about, we all do. They’re in the work place, in politics and throughout the community.

Idiots in action

Example: Let’s pretend you’ve just arrived into a new community and decide to join a community organization. This group of volunteers is genuinely interested in working on planting gardens, sprucing up rundown areas, and repairing or removing dilapidated buildings. One member, however, opposes every measure and idea anyone suggests. More that that, he constantly attacks the motive of the others. He makes the meeting of the group so unpleasant that attendance begins to decline.

The idiot causes so much trouble that the others band together to kick his sorry buttocks out of the group.

Question: Do you join the others in outing the idiot?

The making of an idiot!

Sigmund Freud (Yes, the sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, guy) thinks that unless a person has been shown and practices love, it sickens and dies. Love includes understanding, goodwill, and respect for others. The more love and goodwill you emanate and exude, the more comes back to you.

He must have never worked with an idiot, but then again what if he’s right? Nay, let’s kick the pain in the neck out and humiliate him even more then he has been other times in his life!

Or maybe……

The practice of empathy in human relationships:

Instead of beating the crap out of him, we bite our lip; prepare our mind before the next meeting. Think about the underlying pain in this guy’s life, surround him with positive thoughts and try our best to compliment and encourage him personally as well as publicly.

I’ll be damned, it worked!

Sure it takes some time. Results don’t happen overnight. But in time the guy comes around, starts encouraging others’ ideas (after carefully but politely examining the idea and its short comings) and becomes actively involved in creating tangible results! OH MY!

The whole idea about writing about idiot comes from my self-examination of the people I associate with and how lucky I am that they’re not idiots.

This city is full of good, respectful, loving folks. Don’t let a few “idiots” get you down.

P.S. Examining and questioning ideas and motives don’t make you and idiot. Using disrespectful comments and disparaging words without proposing a solution does!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Time to Start Thinking About Taking a Vacation!

Time to start thinking about a vacation! Yup, now is the time. This week snuggle up with your laptop, warming your legs, and start creating your own dream vacation! Okay, so maybe the economy has you unable to take that “Dream Vacation” at this time but, you can always start planning to take a trip within you own local area. You might be surprised when you learn that there are so many cool places to go within your city or state. While I lived in Florida, I used to think it was incredible how many local people would tell me they hadn't been to the beach in years! It was right in their back-yards! Here in Flint, Michigan where I live now, I can think of a dozen neat places to go and see.

Take a few minutes or maybe the afternoon, either daydreaming of your dream vacation or the reality of planning a shorter local trip out-of-town. Check out some of these sites I’ve put together for great vacation ideas. If you ever feel the need to get away, even if it’s just while sitting in the office, check out “The Way You Should Live” for a “One Minute Vacation”.

Flint Convention & Visitors Bureau.

http://www.flint.travel/

Pure Michigan

http://www.michigan.org/

Superior Travel

http://superiortrvl.com/sts_home.html

Travel Brokers Inc.

http://www.travelbrokersinc.com/
Apple Sauce Inn B&B
http://www.applesauceinn.com/home.html

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Guy Gossip, Garlic Pills & Genesee Tower

Today being Tuesday, I awoke to prepare for my weekly 8a.m. meeting with the guys at one of the local coffee beaneries.

It’s been our routine over the last year for a group of my neighbors, local businessmen and community leaders to sit together and discuss the latest news and happenings. This might best be called “Guy Gossip”.

This morning I did my normal washing up, showering, shaving, teeth brushing and vitamin consumption, when something went terribly wrong. My garlic pills (Whose benefits real or imagined, I’ve bought’en into) were not the capsule types I regularly buy. It turns out this pill form leaves a slight after-tastes of garlic and a slight odor to the breath! Yeee. I was hopeful that a breath mint and coffee would cover my “after Italian diner breath”. It didn’t.

When I arrived, some of the fellows were already seated, sipping on their coffees and discussing the Genesee Tower fiasco. If you’re not familiar with this situation, in short, our local City government has been saddled for a payment, mandated through the State Courts, of 8.4 million dollars to it’s property owners, who originally paid fifty thousand dollars for the building a couple of years ago.

It seems this lively discussion all started when one of the guys brought up how he’s going to receive an eleven hundred dollar tax bill as his part in covering this community debt. Lots of information and misinformation was analyzed among us, blame was laid at the feet of the departed city officials, discussion of the greed of the owners. Ingenious, but impossible ways of rectifying the circumstances were painfully picked apart, heads wagged side to side or up and down displaying agreement or displeasure with each suggestion, all climaxing into the total silent’s of ….”The Befuddled”.

It was in this quiet moment of group reflection, that I inadvertently let loose an open mouth sigh of disgust. Each face around the table, twisted from meditative pondering to knit browed bewilderment, trying to place the source of this new, odious odor.

“That stinks!” one of the guys blurted out.

Sensing an opportunity to cover my breathy blunder, I piped in, “That’s it! We’ll turn the place into a private men’s club, with its own bowling alley and a restaurant catering only the smelliest of fatty foods, a place where we can smoke cigars, wear worn out bathrobes, a place where the occasional fart or stinky breath will go unnoticed!”

With that, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to be the first to announce the newly formed L.L.C . “The Big Lebowski Men’s Group” dedicated to the construction of a new men’s club inside the Genesee Tower, and the construction within of the new “Men Only” restaurant and lounge named….. “The Dude”

Wait a minute! When you think about it, it was the same kind of group of morning coffee “Guy Gossip” that started this whole mess in the first place!

One stink’en idea after another.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Thanks For Stopping By!

Thanks you all so much. Because of your overwhelming subscription rate to Funny Business By Stephen James, we now have the third most read blog on my block!!!

Was I just making a joke or was I heralding an accomplishment? Either way I’ll take it!

Hope you enjoy your day. Take a look at some of the archived posts, maybe there’s something in there worth reading. Other than that, stop by tomorrow for more new stuff!

Yours, Stephen James

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Envy me!

Today for lunch my beautiful and talented Wife and I had fresh corn on the cob drenched in creamy, yellow butter, heavily salted with finely crushed sea salt, and some sliced, raw, round, red, vine ripened, organically grown, juicy Brandywine tomatoes, along with a whole, just off the dock of Leland Fishtown, smoked White fish from the cold waters of lake Michigan and topped it off with rich, velvety smoked fish dip spread on stone grounded multi-wheat crispy, crackers. Life it great, envy me!

P.S. I did gnawed off all the meat from the inside of the skin. MMMmmmm....fish fat!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Revealing my secret New Year’s resolutions!

1. My attitude is the only thing that I have control over: wake up every morning with prayer/meditation, thankfulness and positive attitude.

2. I will start everyday by telling my wife how much I love her.

3. I will stretch out my body every morning before and after getting out of bed at 7 a.m.

4. I will have breakfast every morning and I will read an inspirational book, during breakfast time. (While I wait for my Wife to get ready.)

5. I will take vitamins including herbal supplements.

6. I will walk my wife out to the car every morning, then take a walk or go workout.

7. I will exercise everyday, sometimes at the gym with my wife, sometimes by talking a walk with her, some form of physical activity everyday.

8. I will write every morning for at least one hour.

9. At the end of everyday I will ask myself the questions “What did I accomplish today and what good did I do for someone else”.

10. I will make a check list of things to do for every upcoming workday and check off the things I’ve accomplished at the end of the day. (I will not fret over what was not done; just move them over to the next days list.)

11. I will set my alarm to go off 3 times a day; I will pray and think about my loved ones at those times. (But not only at those times.)

12. I will meet my wife at the door when she comes home every workday, hug her and take time to talk with her about our day.

13. I will not eat after 8pm.

14. I will pray with my wife every night before falling asleep by 10pm. (But, not before I tell my wife again, how much I love her.)

That’s mine, what’s yours? stephenjamescomedy@gmail.com

Thursday, January 13, 2011

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE (Okay, maybe just some suggestions.)

Sometimes I sit and think about what life is all about. I think hard and as deeply as my shallow mentality will take me. I listen too and read what great minds have said or written on the subject.

I’ve compiled a list of some of their thoughts on life as well as some of my own. After rereading my list I wish I would have put more in about the search for wisdom and of love. Maybe I should add; “The wisdom of the universe can be found in the pursuit of perfect love.”

1)    1)  Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions.
2)     Never lose hope and if someone you know has; pass your hope onto them.
3)     Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
4)     No mater how much or how little you have, share it.
5)     Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
6)     Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
7)     Spend some time alone.
8)     Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
9)     Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
10) Read more books and watch less TV.
11) In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
12) Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
13) Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
14) Be gentle with the earth.
15) Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
16) Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
17) Read between the lines.
18) Memorize your favorite poem or psalm.
19) Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
20) When you say, "I love you", mean it.
21) When you say, "I'm sorry", mean it.
22) Believe in love at first sight but not if your married.
23) In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
24) Don't judge people by their relatives.
25) Talk slowly but think quickly.
26) When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
27) Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
28) Call your mom.
29) Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
30) You never fail, if you remember the lesson you learned.
31) Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
32)   When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Business Jokes of the Day!

If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.

If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, promptly develops.

If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line.

If you step out of a short line for a second, it becomes a long line.

If you think that OSHA is a small town in Wisconsin, you're in trouble.

If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.

If you throw something away, you will need it the next day.

If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.

If you understand it, it is obsolete.

If you want to be well liked, never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about others.

It works better if you plug it in.

Stephen James Comedy Improv & Human Resource Training Consultant Flint, Michigan.

If you’re looking to re-energize your Sales Force, inspire your Marketing Department or to encourage your Board to think “Out of the Box”, “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe Corporate Team Building” will work together with you in delivering the message you want to give! Team Building will always be a top priority for today's organizations. Building effective teamwork through leading edge corporate and organizational team building programs is one of “The Stephen James Comedy Troupe” (Corporate Team Training) greatest capabilities! And we make it so much FUN! CONTACT US AT:Email: stephenjamescomedy@gmail.com

Website: http://sites.google.com/site/thestephenjamescomedytroupe

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Boy, did I learn a lesson.

I believe in community service. Whether it’s by being part of local government, neighborhood association or home owners’ group. I’ve made a list of things and situations that you will encounter. Don’t see these as a negative; just be aware that they are going to happen sooner or later. That way it will not come as a surprise to you and ruin your positive attitude.

Lessons I’ve learned.

Complacency and ignorance are heavy sleeper, they wake up grumpy.

If you get involved you will become a target.

People don’t want to hear that something bad could happen they just want to hear about it after it happens.

People tend to pull the alarm only after they see the fire instead of when they smell the smoke.

People find it much easier to kill the messenger than too kill the problem.

People would rather bitch and have more meetings, than to initiate action.

The words “I told you so” are the saddest words ever to be spoken.

You can’t make compromise with an idiot or with someone that holds their self interest above community.

People believe in the politicians they vote for and in “staying the course”, that is until tomorrow.

People tend to find it easier to create a new program rather than to fix the problems with an old one.

The words “The facts are…” is only accepted if the truth benefits the person spoken too.

“Acquaintance Friendship” will only be held, till it is no longer mutually beneficial.

If sides have to be taken the “Acquaintance Friend”, will side with the person that most benefits their wants and needs, even if that person is of known, corrupt character.

The “Acquaintance Friend” once siding with the person of corrupt character can never return as an “Acquaintance Friend”. That’s because once discovering the corruption they will either become too ashamed or to prideful to admit their mistake. They become a “Passing Friend”.

No battle is worth fighting for, unless it involves the safety of your loved ones.

What may appear sometimes to be the honest characteristic of fortitude, can really be the disguise of stubbornness, in holding onto a reality, that is not real.