Funny Business Friday. Weekending business jokes!

Business Joke 1

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man below says: “Yes, you re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.” “You must work in Technical Support,” says the balloonist. “I do,” replies the man. “How did you know?” “Well” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but completely useless.” The man below says: “You must be in management.” “I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?” “Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You re still in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

Business Joke 2

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director’s office. “What is the meaning of this?” the director asked. “When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you’ve ever held.” “Well,” the young man replied, “in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”

Business Joke 3

A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said “Rest in Peace”. The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was ,the florist said. “Sir, I m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new location.”

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Do you have a friend who also has a Positively Flint attitude? Tell them about us. We don’t “search” for friends, we just do what we do, and Positively Flint friends join us!  https://www.facebook.com/positively.flint

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Community Involvement Helps Your Business!

Dr. D. James Kennedy of Coral Ridge Presbyterian told me this funny story. Yes, Presbyterian’s have a sense of humor, a heavenly humor!

One day a very successful business man who had made it a point over the years to donate 10% of his profits back to the community, came to Dr. K with this dilemma. “Dr. Kennedy” he said. “I am in a situation where my 10% donations have come to a very large amount of money. I am thinking that I need to cut back. What do you think?” Dr. Kennedy replied: “Sir, I think we need to pray about this.” The successful business man agreed. “Yes, let’s do that.” So Dr. K began to pray. “Dear Lord please lower this man’s income to a place where he can comfortably donate 10% again.”

OOPS! Some of you don’t get this joke! Because some of you have never thought about donating back to the community, shoot, that’s what our overburden tax payments are for, right. Sure it is. But giving back to the community has far greater returns. Stop! Don’t think I’m going all religious on you.

There are tangible benefits to giving back to the community. For one thing, if you give enough, you'll be able to use the charitable deduction on your income tax. For another, giving back to the community can raise your business' profile and even bring you more customers or clients.

Many businesses even include their charitable work in their advertisements, potential customers like the sense of being able to combine their pleasure in patronizing a business with the pleasurable sense of helping others.

But lastly, community service is about building a stronger community and a stronger community means better customers!

Let me tell you about a business in the city I live in, Flint, Michigan. Teton Business Solutions. Teton is a company that helps other companies in a multiple of areas; Hiring, tax consulting, payroll, employee training and bunches more. But along with their drive to create quality business solutions they also have a community heart.

I can’t at this time talk about the details of what their doing here in our community because a lot of it is still in the making and I don’t think they need or want to be praised for what they think of as a “natural thing to do”, but let me tell you that they’ve taken what there good at and used it to start up a community workforce program with Carriage Town Ministries, a place where the “Homeless” or “Jobless” can go to find work. WOW! Do you understand what that means to a community? Those folks that are out walking our streets, panhandling for money, filling the shelters, now have the opportunity to get back into mainstream sociality.


Learn more about Carriage Town Ministries at:
http://www.carriagetown.org/

Solar Power and Roofies.

Lately, I’ve been really getting into learning more about Solar Power. I've been learning how it works, its benefits and detractions.

As a young man in college (many years ago), I remember the time I had to do a “Persuasive” speech in my communications class. I chose the “Danger of Nuclear Power” and the pros- of alternative energy.  Back then, Nuclear was the rage. It was going to be our great ENERGY savior. The government was rushing to build plants. The news media made it, its darling. Nevertheless, a few of us were dead set against it (still are) because of the knowledge of the horrible dangers it could bring.

Today is a dawn of a new day. Sure, we still have Nuclear proponents, but time has verified our consensus of its danger. Now comes the alternatives.  Solar panels, wind power, geothermal, etc. Many of these have proved to be too costly (The price for equipment and energy needed to convert to electricity is greater than the return.). However, as time and technology has been poured into those alternatives, we truly do, now have affordable alternative energy solutions.

This brings me to a personal question “I’m I ready to dive into alternative power for my own home?” Financially, making the investment (up-front costs) verses the return on investment looks to be very friendly. Plus, the future of energy cost will be raising. Personally I lived by the proverb “Invest in what you use” ie. Power companies, Phone companies, and beer companies! However, the ROI (return on investment) with power companies may start to fail. Not that they won’t be making profits in the next few years, but these will be dropping as this country’s people move toward the alternatives. (Wouldn’t have been so cool, if this country was into alternative power, years ago. Think of all the wars and killing that might have been avoided.)

Here’s what I have been learning: roof top panels are a good investment both financially and socially. The cost of product and our government push for power companies to pay “Feed In” fees to private suppliers has come to be not only financial smart, but also creates a personal feeling of independence.

Do you want to learn more about Solar Power, panels, solar farming? Check out the resource I’ve been using. Ethosolar.com

Ethosolar is a solar power provider. Offer complete grid-tied solar solutions for roof-top systems, ground mount fixed systems, and ground mount tracking systems.

Carriage Town Media Social Media Management Starting @ $50.00 per Month. We don't control your site, we just improve it! We can post on all your social media sites! Let us post the information that your customers/friends need to know! Timely and Correctly! This months special: We can TOTALLY run your social media site for only $150.00 per month! LEARN MORE, CLICK HERE! . https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/ Email: ctmediaflint@gmail.com

Can Making Fun of Yourself, be Good for Business?

Our society does find self-deprecating humor endearing, we enjoy when others reveal their life failures, especially if it’s relatable to our own. It might even be good for us to laugh at ourselves once in a while! Yet, can making fun of your Business have benefits?

We’re thinking that to a limited extent, it can. Sure, you don’t normally want to make fun of your employees, product or services. But then again, you just might want to!

Try this one out, for a restaurant: “We have the slowest service in town!” WITH THE TAG LINE: “That’s because we make each order individually with loving care!” This is a fun way to explain to your customers that you care about the food you serve and teaches them that excellent food takes time. Course, it could also be used to cover-up your poor service management! LOL

Or

How about this one for a Rock Band: “Don’t come out to hear us tonight!” WITH THE TAG LINE: “Cuz we turn the volume up way to LOUD!” This might really discourage some attendees, but will energies others. Most likely, those “energetic” ones, knowing what to expect, are the ones that will make a special effort to come out, enjoy your show, and give you the best reviews!

Now, what would it be like if a City used self-deprecating humor about itself? Let’s say a City like the one I live in, Flint, Michigan. Most all of you have heard of my city of Flint; “Murder capital of the country.” “But, we are hoping to get the world ranking soon!” “The most dangerous city in the country, flax vest await you at our border!”” When we say, built Flint Tough, we’re not talking about the cars!” “All our sports teams are named the “Flames,” cause they really are on FIRE!” “Come to Flint, if you’re looking for a job! Everyone else is too!”

Okay, okay, I could go on and on, and although this kind of humor does point a negative spotlight on my city, could it also be used to promote the City?

Could negative promotion create positive results? This might be a dangerous idea in promoting a city, especial, one that has been working so hard to destroy its own negative self-image.

Let’s think about it. Could promoting our bad boy image to the country be used as cover while we actually improve our city?!  Could someday, the very people that laughed at our city actually begin to see that it is becoming a safe, honorable place to live?

Could exploiting our negative image allow us to laugh all the way to the bank? Could marketing our City’s “toughness”, be made profitable? Sad to say, I believe it could. Sad, because our country thrives on the “bad boy” image, the western “shot’em up” mentality, gansta want-ta-be’s, and we could use that craze to make a profit!

I already regret writing this! Some of you will believe I’ve hit on a brilliant idea and actually go about implementing it. This is not what I want my City’s image to be. Not even for a PROFIT! NOT even if it cured our un-employment, not even if it put public services back on our streets.

Sometime the right way of doing things is the toughest way. “WE ARE FLINT, AND WE ARE DANGEROUS!”

Check out some positively dangerous Flint sites!

Facebook:

               “Positively Flint” “Bring Two to Flint” “Flint Home Buying”

Websites:

               “Carriage Town Media” “Damascus Road Church, Flint”

Blogs:

               “Funny Business” “The Way You Should Live”

Flint Photos:

               “Fine Art American/Positively Flint Gallery” Marketplace on Facebook “Positively    

                 Michigan”

Learn more marketing ideas from:
ctmediaflint@gmail.com

Carriage Town Media Social Media Management Starting @ $50.00 per Month. We don't control your site, we just improve it! We can post on all your social media sites! Let us post the information that your customers/friends need to know! Timely and Correctly! This months special: We can TOTALLY run your sites! $150.00 per month! LEARN MORE, CLICK HERE! . https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/ Email: ctmediaflint@gmail.com

An Irish Business Song?!

No, Nay, never, No, nay never no more. Will I play the wild rover, No, Nay, never, no more ...Irish Folk song

Negative thinking stops the flow:

I’ve worked as a professional improvisational comic and improv instructor for many years and I have personally seen many instances relating to the stories of Malcolm Gladwell, from his book “Blink”. He uses as an analogy that I can relates to in how negative words can stop the flow towards a goal. He tells about how while he was sitting in on a improv class, he watched first hand how the word “no” can stop the flow of a scene and how the that stoppage of flow was relatable to our everyday lives. In his story he describes a group improvising a scene that went something like this.

A: I’m having trouble with my leg.
B: I’m afraid I’ll have to amputate.
A: You can’t do that, doctor.
B: Why not?
A: Because I’m rather attached to it.
B: Come on, man.
A: I’ve got this growth on my arm too, Doctor.

The trouble with the scene was that by using a negative “You can’t do that, Doctor.” it gave his partner no were to go. It stopped the flow. The B player had nothing to build on, nothing to work with in creating a new thought. One of the very first things I teach my students is to “Never say NO! Never deny, always be accepting and always be building.”

If the player hadn’t used the stopping word “Can’t” the scene may have moved along and flowed something like this:

A: I’m having trouble with my leg.
B: I’m afraid I’ll have to amputate.
A: But it’s the one you amputated last week.
B: So you’re having problems with your wooden leg?
A: Yes, it’s hurts.
B: Let me take a look. Sure enough you have termites.
A: Termites! Is that bad.
B: It’s not good.
A: Can you fix it?
B: Sure, comeback on Wednesday, on Wednesdays I do wood work!

See how words can stop the thinking flow in others as well as ourselves? Did you see how using open words, allowed his partner to open his mind to the flow of creating?

How to stop a negative: By using a double negative against it? NO, NEVER!

I can hear what you are thinking right now. Your thinking: “I want to stop my negative thoughts so I will just say no to negative thinking!” Oops, using a negative to fight a negative is not going to work. But replacing a negative with a positive will. Don’t worry about the math, that’s for someone else to figure out. In removing negatives from our vocabulary and our thinking, you will be leaving a void that will have to be refilled with something. So we need to fill that void with something else. That something else is positive speaking and positive thinking.

Today’s Assignment: You are going to be conscious of how many times you use negative words. Right now, just say to yourself that this is what you’re going to do today. “I am going to be conscious of how many times the words no, nay, never, no more, are used in my vocabulary and thoughts”. (Okay, so you won’t use the word "nay" too much).

This doesn’t mean you can’t say the word no. Later we will even discuss when it is imperative to say no. Common sense will dictate your use of the word, but watch how many times you use the negative form of the verb. Then try to think about how you could have restated or to have inverted the sentence to a positive.

Example: “No Johnny you can’t do that.” USE: “Johnny instead of doing that, how about you doing this.
Example: “I can’t get this work done on time.” USE: “I can get this work done on time, but let’s take a moment to figure out how.”
Example: “I don’t have the money to fix this” USE: “So I need how much? Okay let’s find the money”
Example: I will not drink (Insert anything you don’t want to do) any more.” USE an alterative statement, “I am going to start “exercising” (Insert what you do want to do) more.”

Remember words are incredibly powerful. The uses of words affect our thought process and our bodies. The words you use can create a bad day or a fantastic, fulfilling, abundant day.

So go out and have a fantastic day! Remember; we're all in this together!

P.S. The Irish Folk song “No, Nay, never, No, nay never no more.” was written by a Irishman that was about to be married. He used the negative words as a means to contemplate and keep his marital vows, which actually worked against him, as the negative thinking turned into reality. Not the positive outcome he imagined. He went on to later to pen a song for Brittney Spears named: “Opps, I did it again”

P.S.S Just kidding! Stephen James



Funny Business is a humorous look at some serious issues your business or organizations have to address. http://funnybusinessbystephenjames.blogspot.com

Flint area Businesses are you ready for the Crim?

3/50 PROJECT (Positively Flint):  Remember, it’s more than a race; it’s an opportunity for the businesses of Flint to get noticed! ttps://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/

Is your business supporting this event with in-store promotions? Promoting the Crim promotes your business! ttps://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/

Is your inventory stocked? Remember, items costing $20.00 of less will sell the most at these events, but be ready for the big buyers!https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/

Your lower priced items near your entrance. It will draw people further into the store.https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/

Have a meeting with your sales staff. Make sure each one of them understands that their friendliness will go a long way in creating future sales! https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/

Place your “DOG” items into one area near the back of your store, but make sure the "Clearance" signage is easy to see. https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/

Make sure to earnestly thank every person for every sale now matter how much they’ve spend. Today impression will go a long way in making future sales! https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/

If your cash register is ringing and there’s a line to ck out, make sure you have extra help to bag, greet and thank each customer! https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/

 Clean your store inside and out!! https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/

This could be your biggest sales day of the year, act like it! https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/

  

For more information on how to effectively plan your Business or Company’s marketing, search engine optimization, use of blogging and social media marketing contact us at: https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/

Carriage Town Media Social Media Management Starting @ $50.00 per Month. We don't control your site, we just improve it! We can post on all your social media sites! Let us post the information that your customers/friends need to know! Timely and Correctly! This months special: We can TOTALLY run your sites! $150.00 per month! LEARN MORE, CLICK HERE! .  https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/  Email: ctmediaflint@gmail.com

Funny Business Friday. Weekend business jokes!

The Ten Commandments Of Employment

1. If it rings, put it on hold.
2. If it clunks, call the repairman.
3. If it whistles, ignore it.
4. If it's a friend, stop work and chat.
5. If it's the boss, look busy.
6. If it talks, take notes.
7. If it's handwritten, type it.
8. if it's typed, copy it.
9. If it's copied, file it.
10. If it's Friday, forget it!

Work vs Prison
IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON... you get three meals a day.
AT WORK... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON... you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK... you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
AT WORK... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON... you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON... you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK... they are called managers.

So why is it, again, that we work?

This is the Friday Funnies from Funny Business, sponsored by

Sponsored by: Teton Business Solutions. If your company needs staffing, Teton is the business you should turn to for you all your staffing needs. With our leadership having over 35 years of experience we know that Teton can meet your company expectations. Call us: (810) 767-5111

NO JOKE!

A Confidence Scheme

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” William Shakespeare 

Some may think that confidence is the opposite of humility. People sometimes even equate confidence with arrogance. That is a mistake. Rather than being the opposite of confidence, we need to understand that humility is an entirely separate issue.

The truly confident person is one that can fully embrace and celebrate their strengths and talents, and yet never forgets their humanity. They can admit mistakes and failings and yet never feel like a failure. It’s true, your failures do make you stronger. Nothing you endeavor in is ever worthless. You always walk away with more knowledge, being more prepared to attempt and succeed in the next endeavourer. 

A person must live in gratitude for the abilities they have been given and never fail to see the giftedness in others. Never be jealous of others talents but willing to learn from what other’s talents can teach us. Understanding that within ourselves we too have a inner genius that must be in continuous development. We must always be learning, always trying and never, never give up. These elements make up true and lasting confidence.

Living with confidence because you’re a genius!

You’ve heard it said “Necessity is the mother of invention” Well I say “Creativity is the mother of invention”. I define genius as finding your very own inner creative menes. That’s right, menes, our bodies are built with genes, that is what makes each of us as physical individuals. Our menes are the parts that make up our personality. Just as each of us have physical genius: or physical abilities such as balance, flexibility, reflexes, strength, movement, all equaling our physical capabilities. Our menes are the parts that make up our personal genius that we are mentaly capable of. 

It’s not just about your tested mental IQ. To find the sum of your menes or genius takes the wiliness to commit to the search of your genius, testing and looking for its limits and abilities just as we do with our bodies. It doesn’t just come to you like a bolt of lighting, sure some find their physical genius early like the ability to play pro baseball while others get to publicly display their mental genius like the famous genius of Einstein or Leonardo. Just because you’ve not been on television or someone hasn’t written a book about you does not mean you’re not a genius! Most genius is un-published! It can be found in the everyday of living. It’s found in the little bits of brilliance of our daily living and it can be developed into adding value to everyone else’s daily living! There is no test created for your personal genius. You have to write it yourself!

Everyone has their own inner genius for which they are superior at doing. We all have a genius within our own nitch. Think about this! If you where stranded on a desert island and living in a cave and one night you heard something rustling around in the bushes outside. Who would you really want to be there in the cave with you? Einstein!? What would he do? Confuse the creature with his theory of gravity. No! you want someone with the genius of bravery or the genius of survival or the genius of mimicking the scary sounds of a shell being racked into a sawed off shotgun.

You should be committed! It all starts in the doing. One step at a time, one foot before the other. Committed to the long walk. 

Here are the first steps! Takes approximately 20 minutes.

1) If you liked what you have read here or want to learn more, commit to a day and time for continuing to stopping by this site and reading what’s going on.

2) Think about 10 things you like to do. Count them out on your fingers.

3) Write a personal resume. Not a work resume but a resume of your life. Write down the things that you like to do: fishing, reading books, watching movies, painting, organizing your sock drawer, talking to people. List everything you like to do.

4) List the education you have: classes that you liked taking, books you have read, life experiences, places that you have traveled to, things that people have taught you.

5) List jobs that you have done, not just paying jobs: Pick out the parts of the job you liked best or feel you did best at.

6) When you’re finished just set it aside for the night. The next day look for the pattern of things that you really like doing or felt good doing. Be proud in seeing the things you like to do and look how those are the things you always seem to see though to completion.

7) On a big piece of paper draw a large inverted triangle: with the point at the bottom, the widest area at the top. Write out words or short sentences representing the thing you like to do or are good at within the triangle.

8) Now start thinking about the list and watch as you melt the overall list into just a couple of short sentences that can be written underneath the point at the bottom of the triangle. Those sentences are what you should be doing. Don’t be inhibited with coming to a conclusion that it doesn’t look to be rational. Don’t look at “what you should be doing” as needing to be practical. Don’t see the outcome as not having any monetary reward. Just look at it for what it is.

9) Next time we get together we will discuss how to make what you like to do into a money making reality.

10) I acknowledge I do not have the genius of grammar, spelling or in the written word but I am better at it than I used to be and will be better at it as I continue to work this menes’ muscle. Thanks for your genius of understanding my inadequacies.

Yours, Stephen James