WHY PEOPLE ARE LATE...
AND WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!
by Alyce Cornyn-Selby
Why is it that it’s always the most talented employee you have seems to have some kind of irritating habit! Example; Lateness.
You’re on time. You see no reason why everyone shouldn’t be on time. What is it about
time that some people just don’t “get”? Whether the perennially late person is in your personal life or your professional life, it can create stress for you to the point that it may disrupt work and ruin relationships.
Four reasons why people are late (to appointments or with scheduled assignments):
Because you make excuses for their lateness. Yes, sometime we employers cover for late arriving employees. This is mostly done because the late employee is so good for our business in other ways that we cut them a break that we wouldn’t cut for others for being late. This just empowers the late employee to continue to be late.
They’re late and they don’t know their behavior is a problem for others.
1) They’re late because they’re living up to a reputation for being late. Take this quiz. Who sang: “I’m late, I’m late...for a very important date”? We all recognize the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. “I’m late, I’m late” was the bunny’s mantra; he said it over and over to himself. His reputation was his identity. He was the late character. Many people have become like this rabbit. They think of themselves as people who are always late so, guess what? They’re late. It becomes a part of how they think the world sees them and therefore, how they must be.
2) They’re late because they’re too optimistic. I know you’ve been told to look on the sunny side of the street but optimism can get in the way when you say to yourself, “I can make it across town in 15 minutes.” Yeah, sure, if it’s 3 a.m. on a holiday and you catch all the green lights, maybe! The optimist thinks that the car will start; the parking place will be there, the computer won’t go down, the weather will hold, planes will fly on time. They cut the time so close that if the slightest thing goes wrong--they’re late (again).
3) They’re late because there’s no reward for being on time. “Behavior that is acknowledged will increase in frequency.” This is a basic pearl of behavioral psychology. Fear, pain, boredom and anger are primary motivating factors in human beings. Unless there is a reward for being on time...or a punishment for not being on time...why not be late?
4) They’re late because they’re “drama queens.” Don’t let the title fool you. At least half of all “drama queens” are male. A true drama queen may even be addicted to their own adrenaline.
If you’ve recognized your boss or yourself or your teenager or your spouse. Now what can you do about it? A problem can’t be solved until you make it important enough to solve. Decide that this is an issue that you want to do something about. Once you’ve decided “Yeah, I’ve had enough,” here are five things you can do.
1. Come clean. Tell your late person what effect their lateness is having
on your job performance, your relationship. Use only “I” statements, not “you” statements. “I’m uncomfortable with having to cover for you.” “We’ve got this scheduling system and any lateness puts a strain on the system--there’s no margin for error.”
2. Don’t label someone late or make jokes about their lateness. It makes it part of how they see themselves and they become stuck with it as a behavior pattern even when they don’t want it.
3. If you’re late person is of the optimistic variety, diplomatically direct this person to reality. The optimist requires retraining and you’ll need patience with this person but don’t just do nothing. A reassuring tone of voice and simple statement of fact...repeated frequently...will help the late person rethink their priorities. “Let’s treat ourselves to a little stress reduction,” you say, “and get this out early.”
4. If they’re late because they sincerely love the action and chaos it creates, you’ve got a special problem. They’re action junkies or drama queens. It’s OK for them to be that way but it’s also OK for you to not want to participate. Take yourself out of the Game. “I know it’s exciting to nearly miss an airplane but it’s not fun for me anymore.” “It was exhilarating the first time we had to get that report done overnight but it’s getting boring now.” Bored is the last thing the drama queen wants to hear. They create chaos to avoid boredom. If you express the idea that the chaos is now boring, they are apt to change.
5. Reward behavior you want repeated. I had to work with a chronically late person and I did not have the sophisticated tools listed above but I knew that you train dogs by rewarding good behavior. It works with people too. I had an idea but I didn’t know if I had the nerve to pull it off. I bought a gift and wrapped it in paper and ribbon. I had it with me and when the appointed hour came I told myself that if he arrived on time, I would reward him with the gift. If he did not arrive on time, I would tell him, “I was going to give you this gift if you arrived on time...but, maybe next time,” and then put the gift away. The next appointment, he was on time and I gave him the gift. He was always on time after that. When was the last time you thanked or rewarded someone for being on time?
It proved to me that people can do it. They can be on time. Being on time gets to be a habit.
