Weekend Funny Business: Hello boss? I can't come to work today...

If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work.
The voices in my head told me to clean all my guns today.

When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac.
I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source on exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.


Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.


I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

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All Is Fair In Business

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own
opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and
announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.'

The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign
of all over his own shop. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE'


The Requirements Of This Job 

Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

Your website is only a billboard!

Your website is only a billboard!

You can have the most beautiful website in the world, and without traffic, it might as well be a billboard in the middle of a cornfield in Iowa. Just ask all those big corporations who paid millions to have their beautiful flash sites built, and forgot to hire a SEO. You launched your site, and now you need traffic, or it’s been there for a long time, and you need MORE traffic and exposure. You listened to the search engines, and created great content! (after all, content is king!) But you still don’t seem to have much traction, and only your Aunt Frita, Uncle Merv, and 6 other people are visiting your site every day.

Carriage Town Media Social Media Management Starting @ $50.00 per Month *Nonprofits $40.00 We don't control your site, we just improve it! We can post on all your social media sites! Let us post information that your customers/friends need to know! Timely and Correctly! This months special: We can TOTALLY run your sites! LEARN MORE, CLICK HERE! $150.00 per month. https://sites.google.com/site/carragetownmedia/ 


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